1. Fear no bagga.
2. Every motorist is mad, act accordingly.
3. Immediately lock all doors and windows if you see LASTMA.
4. Yield to danfo, kekes, BRTs & other COMMERCIAL vehicles.
5. If you like don’t yield when you see trailer.
6. Don’t yield to anybody else.
7. If you are “on speed,” you have your right of way.
8. Do not give way to traffic coming from any direction. There are exceptions ooo: See 4 and 5.
9. You will often have to socialize with other motorists. Be prepared.
words such as ‘mumu’, ode, ewu, idiot and so on should be
practiced before hand.
10.You are expected to hoot as loudly as you can once every Half Kilometre.
11. When changing lanes in traffic, look face.
12. When rain is falling and visibility is reduced, increase your speed.
14.If a fellow motorist ‘brushes’ your car, you are expected to immediately stop in the middle of the
road and talk it over.
15. Accidents with G-Wagons and other similarly expensive cars should be resolved as follows:
*If it is your fault, you have two choices: Exit your vehicle and vanish(via okada or Usain bolt),
or lie on the floor and wail.
*If it is the G-Wagon’s fault it means you’ve been paying your tithe. Cancel all meetings for the
rest of the day and face the owner: God has b*ttered your bread.
16. The ‘sidewalk’ is a spare lane.
17. At toll gates you are expected to form lanes equal to the square of the number of gates. Eg: If
there are 5 gates, you should form 25 lanes.
18. Please enjoy the local traffic cuisine while you snail your way through.
19. We encourage motorists to live out their gratest GTA fantasy in our great city.
20. The use of seatbelts is compulsory at all times for your safety.